“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV)
For 28 years, starting when I was only 13, I was in a relationship with my ex-husband that affected me in ways I’m still learning about today. Years of narcissistic abuse changed the way I thought about myself and the way I reacted to things. Even though that relationship is over, some of the things it left behind are still there.
For years, alcohol was how I dealt with a lot of it. When my thoughts became too much, I drank so I wouldn’t have to feel them. It was easier to numb everything than to face what was going on inside of me. But alcohol never fixed anything. It only helped me avoid it for a little while.
Now that I’m sober, God is teaching me a completely different way to handle those thoughts. I’m learning that just because something comes into my mind doesn’t mean it’s true. Sometimes my mind immediately goes back to fear, insecurity, or expecting the worst because that is what I learned to do for so many years.
That’s why this verse means so much to me. I’m learning to stop and take those thoughts captive before I let them run away with me. Sometimes I have to ask myself, “Is this really what’s happening, or is this something from my past making me feel this way?” Then I bring it to God instead of trying to handle it by myself.
I’m still learning, and I definitely don’t get it right every time. Some days my thoughts get the best of me. But the difference today is that I don’t have to reach for a drink to make them go away. I can pray. I can open my Bible. I can remind myself of what God says instead of automatically believing what my mind is telling me.
God didn’t just free me from alcohol. He is healing the things inside of me that made me want to numb myself in the first place. And little by little, I’m learning that taking my thoughts captive is part of that healing too.