“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36 (NIV)
For years, alcohol had a grip on me that I didn’t know how to break. In the beginning, I didn’t see it as something that would eventually control my life. I drank because it helped me escape. It quieted my anxiety, numbed things I didn’t want to feel, and gave me a way to avoid dealing with the pain I had carried for so long. But somewhere along the way, I stopped being the one in control.
What started as something I turned to became something I depended on. Over the years, the drinking got worse. I went from mixed drinks to hard liquor, and alcohol became part of how I coped with life. If I was hurting, I drank. If I was angry, I drank. If I was overwhelmed, I drank. And when drinking caused more problems in my life, I drank because of those problems too. It was a cycle I couldn’t seem to get out of.
Alcohol promised me relief, but it never gave me freedom. It only temporarily covered up what was hurting. When the alcohol wore off, everything I was trying to escape was still there, along with more shame, regret, and consequences. I knew drinking was hurting me and the people I loved, but knowing that wasn’t enough to make me stop. That is one of the hardest things about addiction to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it. You can desperately want to stop and still find yourself going back.
I tried more than once to change my life. I thought if I could just get myself together, be stronger, or try harder, maybe this time would be different. But eventually I had to realize that I couldn’t keep doing it on my own.
Then, in March 2023, something changed. I didn’t just try another way to get sober. I surrendered my life to Jesus.
Jesus didn’t simply take a drink out of my hand. He began dealing with what was going on inside my heart. The pain I had been numbing, the shame I had carried, the resentment, fear, anger, and things from my past that I had spent years trying not to feel. I finally had somewhere to take them. I didn’t have to drink them away anymore. I could bring them to Him.
Recovery hasn’t meant that every struggle disappeared or that suddenly everything became easy. It has meant that I don’t have to face those struggles alone anymore. Jesus gave me something alcohol never could. He gave me hope. He gave me forgiveness. He gave me a new life and showed me that my past didn’t have to decide my future.
For years I thought alcohol was helping me survive. Today I know what I was really looking for couldn’t be found at the bottom of a bottle. I was looking for freedom. And I found it in Jesus.